In Which I Shoot a Gun

I am not a gun person. I have never been thrilled at the idea of being close to guns or guns being fired. They are loud, dangerous, and take way more effort than I am willing to put into nearly anything. I once drove out of my way to get dinner at McD’s because I was too lazy to get out of my car and walk into a Wawa. I am that lazy. But my plans of never being near a gun being fired were dashed because of one man: Reyes Santos.


This asshole right here.

Reyes Santos was born on Mars ‘Edelweiss’ Colony in the year 2289. After years of working in the pharmaceutics field he has found himself working at the Iris Colony as a caretaker for I.L.E.X., a highly advanced repair robot. His interests include banjos, fancy teas, and guns. He really likes guns. And as I worked on his character I realized all I could picture for shooting a gun was a grey L-shaped block that went pew pew pew. Research was needed.

I went with my brother (who had a little gun experience) to Short Shot Pistol Range, a place with not only great reviews but, most importantly, a groupon deal. I walked in and told the very nice muscle-bound tattooed man behind the counter that I had absolutely no clue what I was doing and I needed the babiest gun they had. After I signed a “I promise I am not crazy” document I was given a .22 and shown to our stall.

A very nice man with very tiny hands went over everything I needed to know. How to load the bullets, how to hold the gun, the proper stance, seriously don’t hold the gun like that, watch your thumb, take a deep breath and pull the trigger. All punctuated by the gunshots of the other shooters on the range. I took a deep breath, took another deep breath, readjusted my hands yet again and pulled the trigger.


It was all pew pew pew and then I got a whole bunch right in the middle and PEW PEW PEW!!!!! So yeah I can totally see why people shoot guns. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not going to run out and buy a million guns to put in my tank. But I would totally go back if the groupon is good enough. And I’m happy to announce I also got enough information for Reyes! Now I can talk about the scent of gunpowder, the loud explosions, the freaking casings smacking me from the booth over, and most important part of using a gun: Eating red meat.

Because of course we went out for steak afterwards.



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