In Which Good and Bad Things Have Happened

Hello everyone! It’s…been an odd summer. Let’s go down the list shall we?

First, I got a job! But not any job! I got a job that I actually like. That I like and I’m good at. I’ve been tending to flowers at an unnamed home improvement store and I honestly haven’t felt this great in years. I’ve lost weight, I’ve gotten in shape, and I’ve gotten compliments on my skills from bosses to corporate to random strangers. This is literally the first time I’ve worked a job that didn’t feel like it was peeling layers off my skin every second of the day. Which leads me to my next big announcement:

I’m going back to school.

WELL I’m going back to my old community college for a “Fundamentals in Horticulture” certificate. But I have to buy a text book so to me that counts as going back to school. For those who don’t know me personally college was…bad. Really bad. Really really really bad. Walked away with an AA in Liberal Arts after five years and a lot of debt bad. So I’m slightly panicking over the fact I’m heading back in just a few short weeks.

But Amber (or Aught, or Fish, depending how you know me) you say, those are good! I’m sure nothing bad happened and oh wait something bad did happen huh

My freakin’ laptop is dying. Right now it’s currently in the shop as I decide its fate. They’re not sure if they can fix it because they’re also not sure if the hard drive is about to die or not. I’m writing this update on my brother’s computer and let me tell you I am having horrible flashbacks when we were forced to share a computer back in the day. We could only have one game on it at a time AND we kept stumbling over each other’s poorly hid porn stash. Just terrible!

And right as my laptop decided to enter maybe-dead limbo I ended up in the hospital after a severe allergic reaction to a plant in the dumb cane family. The good news is that this is covered under workman’s comp, the bad news is that I lost three days pay. All which happened after I paid for the expensive certificate class. Not to mention that whole “I’m moving next April and this will cost All Of The Money” thing happening.

What this is leading to is FUNDRAISER TIME! But like an actual good one, not one where you’ll be forced to buy overpriced candy, or pay me to walk in circles, or go to a bake sale which you know half of the people just bought premade cupcakes from Shoprite while the other half are trying to get you to try their vegan cupcakes with carob and they say it tastes just like chocolate but we all know THAT IS A FILTHY LIE KAREN 

Ahem.

I’m getting ideas together but so far I’m planning:

1) Doodle Donations! Donate and get a drawing done by me in only the finest MSpaint! Here’s a quick example of what you could get:

2) Huggabot Raffle! Donate and get a chance to win your very own pocket-sized Huggabot! Keep it by your computer to remind yourself to eat and drink! Put it by your bed to remind you to take your pills! Have it stare into your soul as you talk to it about your relationship with your father! Every month I’ll raffle off a new Huggabot until it’s move time!

Here’s an example of a previously made Huggabot owned by my dear peapod Wyntera:

3) Ko-fi fic! I’ve been kicking around this idea for awhile, but now I’ve figured out a good story for it. The basic idea is that once a donation goal is reached I will write a chapter for a brand new McHanzo fic! My patreons will get access to it first as always. (Also don’t think I’ve forgotten about you guys! I got plans for my patreons too!)

What’s the fic about? Well I’ll give you a small hint…it’s going to involve a *lot* of ribbons.

4) And as always you can find ways to help me out over here

5) Not to mention you can help out in the long term by downloading and reading my short story The Midwife and the Lindworm! If you have read it then please consider leaving a review on Amazon or Goodreads. Already left a review? Then join a local book club and slowly climb the ranks so when it’s your turn to suggest a book you shove a Lindworm in their face! Because no one wants to read The Secret again, KAREN

Thank you all once again for your support! It’s been a hell of a busy summer and my writing has suffered for it, but now that the busy season has ended I can focus on what’s really important: Writing stories where people kiss robots. This means the world to me, and I couldn’t be doing this without you!

Cept you

KAREN

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The Midwife and The Lindworm – OUT NOW!

art by Jay Holloway

The Midwife has worked on her share of unusual births over the years—from foxes to royalty to the Gods themselves. One of the stranger births she assisted was a queen who delivered twins: one a boy, the future king, and one a serpent, known as The Lindworm.

Now, almost twenty years later, the queen has called upon The Midwife again—this time, to rid the castle of The Lindworm once and for all. Devouring maidens from across the land, it seems the monster’s thirst for blood cannot be slaked. But the sensible Midwife has no patience for histrionic queens or fae monsters. She intends to settle this. All of it.

The First Midwife Fable – The Midwife and the Lindworm – is now available for download and purchase!

You can download the short story for free at:

Smashwords

Kobo

Indigo

Or if you wish to support me you can buy it for .99 cents at Amazon!

Love Jay Holloway’s art as much as I do? Then head over to The Midwife Society6 Store where you can pick up prints and t-shirts of your favorite worm fighter!

If you enjoy the Midwife and her adventures please consider leaving a review Goodreads or Amazon to show your support! Every review helps!

Thank you everyone for your support!

Midwife Release Announcement!

booktease
 

The Midwife has worked  on her share of unusual births over the years—from foxes to royalty to  the Gods themselves. One of the stranger births she assisted was a queen  who delivered twins: one a boy, the future king, and one a serpent,  known as The Lindworm.

Now, almost twenty years later, the queen  has called upon The Midwife again—this time, to rid the castle of The Lindworm once and for all. Devouring maidens from across the land, it  seems the monster’s thirst for blood cannot be slaked. But the sensible  Midwife has no patience for histrionic queens or fae monsters. She  intends to settle this. All of it.

I’m thrilled to announce that The Midwife and the Lindworm, the first Midwife Fable, will be released FOR FREE on Amazon on May 1st 2018! Mark your calendars! I will also keep everyone updated on what other platforms you can get my story at! Also: Patreon Donators at $10 and above will get the story ahead of time.

Don’t forget to follow me on Patreon, Twitter, Tumblr and Facebook for more news!

UPDATE 5/1: So it turns out Amazon won’t let me publish it for free on their site. It will be available for .99 there and free elsewhere

In Which I Make An Announcement

I’m moving to North Carolina.

I hate Jersey. I’ve always hated New Jersey. There hasn’t been a single second of my entire life where I thought to myself “Boy I love New Jersey!”. I tried to get away years ago, and when that failed I swore that I would leave the second I was better. Well, I’m better now. It took over ten years and a hell of a lot of therapy/medication but I finally feel like my old self again. So I’m cashing in on my old promise and leaving.

The good news is that I’m not doing this alone. I have friends, dear friends in North Carolina who are helping me job/apartment hunt right now! I will have a full support system to back me up when things go bad, and to help me adjust to life in the south. It’s scary, but with friends at my side I’ll be able to do it.

The question is of course, when will I be moving. The answer is I’m…not too sure. I’m job hunting in both NJ and NC at the moment. Worse comes to worse I can get a job here and spend some time saving up money. But honestly I’m trying to move as soon as I can because, as stated before, I hate NJ.

I won’t be gone forever of course. I’ll be back for holidays and such. Will I stay in NC forever? I honestly don’t know. But it’s time for me to spread my roots and grow.

Side note: When I told my little cousin this news, he wistfully stared out a window and sighed “Life in the city sure is hard”. Nicky gets me.

 

In Which Winter is Just Terrible

Hello everyone! I’m still alive!

Sorry for the radio silence, it’s been one heck of a winter. Still unemployed, drifting from illness to illness, getting my brain meds adjusted, and just this morning at a job interview the interviewer stared me dead in the eye and said “We’re not going to hire you.” at the very end. Who does that? Whatever happened to the old don’t call us we’ll call you?

But enough of that, let’s go over the recent Author Amber Updates

Larkspur Update

Oh boy, big one here! I actually heard back from an agent who is interested…if some changes are made to the structure of the novel. I won’t lie, I cried when I read their email. And screamed. Cried in the shower. Screamed into my pillow. Passed out. Woke up. Cried while taking another shower. Ate way too many hot wings. And then re-read over the email and realized the agent was right. They were right about EVERYTHING.

So pardon my dust as Larkspur goes under massive re-writes. The core of the book is the same, but some events need to get shuffled about and spackled while some other characters need to be adjusted. Think of this like a movie going under rewrites and reshoots after being seen by a test audience.

On that note: Beta Readers! PREPARE YOURSELVES! I shall call upon you once more!

Midwife Update

Nothing like getting almost done with a story and then realizing WHOOPS there needs to be like 20% more added including a boss fight. So  that’s where The Worth of Hair is at the moment.

The good news is that while digging around in my old files I found an almost finished Midwife story from 2015 that I totally forgot about! So my plan is to finish that up, put it up as a free short story (available first to my patreon members) as a way to get people hyped for the Midwife.

Fanfic Update

That’s right folks, I am still deep in Overwatch fanfic writing! I’ve been accepted into two zines coming out this spring (more details on those later) and I’m getting ready to start on my sequel to Points on a Circle. If my notes are anything to go by it is going to be a doozy, and focus more on the Talon members and the Hana/Sombra ship. Oh, you don’t ship Hana and Sombra? YOU WILL! Hopefully. Give it a shot!

I am also going to be doing a Ko-fi donation fic about Zenyatta in Blackwatch to help raise money for a new computer. I’ll be posting more about this later!

And the Rest!

As you may have notice I’ve been making changes around the old patreon. Goals have been adjusted, Rewards have been made more realistic, and I’m working on handmade merchandise to sell too!

I will also now be posting public updates on the 1st of each month, patreon-only updates on the 15th (unless there is a major announcement) and then a special What I Did This Month newsletter sent out at the end of the month!

That should be it for now. If you would excuse me, I just notice that a box of pushpins fell onto my carpet and spread out everywhere. I better take care of that and see if I can figure out if there’s a ghost trying to kill me.

Until next time, my Little Owlets!

hugga

 

 

In Which I am so Sick

NOTE I am also too damn sick to figure out wtf is happening here with the spaces will come back when I can breathe without wheezing
Well I’m bedridden with a super gross chest infection so what better time to update everyone on what’s going on?
First off: That whole Patreon mess. I want to thank everyone who kept their donation. Every dollar means so much to me so OH BOY was I pissed when Patreon announced the changes. Thankfully they have stopped their plans, but the lesson has been learned. I will be expanding the different ways you can donate if you don’t feel comfortable doing it through this site anymore. And honestly, I don’t blame you.
For those who left: No hard feelings! If you ever want to help me out feel free to kick a dollar or two on my Ko-fi instead: Ko-fi.com/aughtpunk
Second, if you missed it the first time: I’m having a couple of short fics published in the fanzine To Ashes! Although the physical books aren’t currently on sale you can pick up a pdf for $5 and support a whole bunch of cool artists and writers, myself included! http://toashes.storenvy.com/
And I think I had a third thing but I can’t remember because I almost coughed up a lung just now. Back to bed for me!